I realised this weekend that I have been hanging out in my head A LOT and this has lead to me making excuses around my running and in particular my goal races. (This will NOT be news to certain people, but hey I am sometimes slow to catch on)
Thinking back, the last race that I performed well at was TNF100k last May. I had a fantastic run, smashed my goal time and got a nice shiny new sub 18 PB 🙂
A month later, I pulled out of a 50k race at half way because I just wasn’t feeling it. A couple of weeks after that, the day after having a shocking run in the last 10k at Gold Coast Marathon, I went down with the flu and wasn’t able to train properly.
At Caboolture 48 hour in August, I had set myself a massive goal. I ended up pulling out after 13 hours barely able to breathe and a friend had to give me her ventolin to open my airways. Clearly I hadn’t recovered properly from the flu. Another excuse not to carry on and go for my goal.
Canberra 24 hour was my first goal race for 2016 and I had a massive goal to run more than 180k to qualify for Coast to Kosci. I got a training program and started doing a lot more road running and speedwork. And my old adductor issue came back big time. I was unable to run for more than a couple of hours max without seizing up.
At Australia Day marathon this year, I got to the 26k mark and pulled out. I had been walking for quite a while and knew it would be a long slow slog to finish, and really what was the point. During this time I reflected on my 24 hour race which was less than 2 months away and made the decision to pull out.
So now my first goal race for the year is UTA100k http://www.ultratrailaustralia.com.au (which was TNF100k) and of course I set myself a big goal. I had got back out onto the trails, certain that it was the road running that was the issue and that the trails would be kinder. But the reality is it’s still uncomfortable and my hammy and glute protests after a couple of hours of walk/run.
So yet again I have an excuse not to achieve the big goal that I set for myself which quite frankly was so scary and out of my comfort zone that my hand was shaking as I wrote it down!
For the last month I have pretty much only been walking/hiking, lots of hills but no speed and very little running. So I convince myself that I am not going to be able to run during training AT ALL for UTA and that I am going to end up having to hike the whole way – and do I really want to be out there THAT LONG????
So thoughts turn to me pulling out completely and not even attempting the race this year. I have to be careful of my body or I may not be able to train for my next big race in August right?
I told my husband that I didn’t see any point in competing if I knew I wouldn’t make my goal time. His response was – whether you do it and be happy with a slower time, or you don’t do it at all, the outcome is still going to be the same – you don’t meet your goal. So just look on it as a 100k training run or hike for the next big race, rather than not doing it at all.
And of course he is right. My head tells me I can’t do it, but when I stop listening to those voices and listen to my heart I KNOW that there is no way I want to miss out on my 7th year in a row running (or hiking) this race. It’s my absolute favourite race of the year and I would be completely miserable were I to be down in the Blue Mountains not running.
So what I have learnt is that it’s great to set myself big goals, but I need to be kinder to myself and remember WHY I run in the first place. At the end of the day, not meeting a goal is not a life or death situation, it just gives me more determination and fire for next time ❤